COLLEGE LIFE- ACT II

so another year s come nd gone nd here i stand... as a second year... de big TWO... and wen i luk bak on dis past yr.. nd see wt all i hv learnt, except math, (which i am sppsd to b really gud at by nw, bt still hv to refer like a zillion books to see y root 2 isnt a rational no.... or is it..??!?!?!) anyhu my point being... i figured i d make a note of all dt i learned dis 1 yr...

1. delhi public transport goes beyond our very convenient three wheelers... it also includes buses.. nd lotsa times it makes more sense to pay 7 bux fr a ride, which a 3 wheeler wud chrge nt less dan 70...

2.chinese at china bowl tastes better dan chinese at chungwa... chinese at china bowl is also cheaper dan dt in chungwa
3. thrs more to shoes dan loafers nd floaters... yes.. chappals nd heels are nt all bad..

4. BC doesn just mean before christ....

5. a peck on d cheek ws really overrated in school, it IS nt dt big a deal... everyone s doin it...

6. u ll hv either one dipsite or modernite frnd... or both

7. delhi s more dan just m block, saket nd priya.... REALLY..!!

8. doin eco doesn make u cool, just like doin math doesn make u nerdy or a social outcast....(pay attention to d second half... pls..!!)

9. thr r many more ways to pull back ur hair dan just a regular ponytail...

10. makeup s more an just eye pencil nd vaseline/lip gaurd...

11. parents suddenly seem to care very little abt u...

12. u mite miss school alot initially... bt eventually.. u ll get over it... nd ur big group of 15 ppl... sudenly reduces to a mere 6...

13. colg fr d frst week mite seem trash.. cz of sum weird nalini chik hu hs befriended u.. nd hs solemnly pledged to b wid u fr d remainin 3 yrs... bt its jst dt one week.. after dt.. u find even weirder ppl to b wid... nd u noe its fr more dan dese 3 yrs.. n u jst don seem to mind!!

**DISCLAIMER: all based on true personal incidents.. resemblance to someone livin or dead... mere coincidence... so BITE ME!!

HARRI PUTTAR

ever wondered wat mite hv come of harry potter had j.k rowling been of indian origin...??? welll i did..(call me lifeless... but i did!!) lol.. of course along wid my very dear friend meghna sengupta ..(between her weird romantic novels and my almost negligible readin interest.. v came to find dt harry potter ws de only common book) hu btw came up wid like most of d names.. wid d tinge of gawarpanti from me!! so here s d revamped indian look of harry potter...

HARI PUTTAR - HARRY POTTER
JITENDAR PUTTAR - JAMES POTTER
LAALI PUTTAR - LILY POTTER
SIDHU KALDEEP - SIRIUS BLACK
RAM LOKHPAL - REMUS LUPIN
NIMMO RANGEELI TEJ - NIMPHADORA TONKS
HARMANI GURTEJBAHADUR - HEMIONE GRANGER


DUDDY DHADDA - DUDLEY DURSLEY
PAMMI DHADDA - PETUNIA DURSLEY
VIRENDER DHADDA - VERNON DURSLEY

AMARDEEP DHANRAJGIR - ALBUS DUMBLEDORE
MANPREET AHLUWALIA - MADEYE MOODY
SUKHDEEP TELU - SEVERUS SNAPE
MINOTI MCPREET - MINERVA MCGONAGALL
RUPUNDER HUDDA - RUBIUS HAGRID
DUBBU - DOBBY
LOVELY LOONI - LUNA LOVEGOOD
NATWAR LAL - NEVILLE LONGBOTTOM
CHARANPAL DUGGAL - CEDRIC DIGGORY
CHUNNI CHATWAL - CHO CHANG
PHOOLMATI DEOL - FLEUR DELACOUR
VIKRAM KARANDEEP - VIKTOR KRUM

AMARJIT WADHWA - ARTHUR WEASLEY
MANPREET WADHWA - MOLLY WEASLEY
ROVINDER WADHWA - RONALD WEASLEY
GINNY WADHWA - GINNY WEASLEY.... (as in d G in gun)
FAQIRDEEP WADHWA - FRED WEASLEY
GURMINDER WADHWA - GEORGE WEASLEY
BUKHWINDER WADHWA - BILL WEASLEY
PREETAM WADHWA - PERCY WEASLEY
CHARANJIT WADHWA - CHARLIE WEASLEY

DALBIR MANSINGH - DRACO MALFOY
LUKHWINDER MANSINGH - LUCIUS MALFOY
NARIMA MANSINGH - NARCCISSA MALFOY
BILLO - BELLATRIX

DUSHT VEERAPAN - LORD VOLDEMORT

CHUNNILAL FATOOR - CORNELIUS FUNDGE
DOLLY UDHAM - DOLORES UMBRIDGE

HOGAWRTS - HARKISAN PUBLIC SCHOOL
DEATH EATERS - MAUTH KE SIPAHI
DEMENTORS - PYAASI AAYTMA
GRYFFINDOR - SINGHSAHEB
SLYTHERIN - SAPERA
HUFFLEPUFF - KRASOUER
RAVENCLAW - CHEEL
AZKABAN - TIHAR JAIL
QUIDITCH - URANCHU

BIG BLACK HOLE

SOMETIMES I WONDER IF I LIVE FOR ME
OR IS IT JUST OTHERS WHO LAY IT OUT
DO I PAVE MY OWN WAY
OR IS IT SUMONE ELSE'S DIRECTIONS I AM ON

I FEEL SO USELEES, YET THEY EXPECT SO MUCH
I FEEL SO EMPTY, YET THEY CONTINUE TO DRAIN ME OUT
I AM SO CORNERED, S MANY FINGERS POINTIN
FAILURE STARES ME IN DE FACE, BT I REFUSE TO ACKNOWLEDGE IT

I HAVE HIT ROCK BOTTOM ND DE ONLY WAY IS UP
BT DEN Y DO I CONTINUE TO FALL
WEN WILL DE DARKNESS GO
WILL I EVER GET OUT OF DIS BIG BLACK HOLE..

DE SIDE EFFECTS OF BOOZE..

here are a few pointers to tell if u r headed fr de wrst hangover...
1.u blame ur shoes fr nt being able to walk st8..
2.u wanna tlk to de customer care personnel hu jst called nd u ask him/her hw his day was..
3. u sway 3 times as much even though u probably r putting in 1/3rd de effort..
4.u feel like returning ur mother's calls..
5.dt annoyin guy/girl hu jst hit on u an hour bak seems appealing..
6. somehow ur taste buds have gone numb to alcohol nd u can no longer taste de vodka in ur drink...
7. u believe u can spell mississippi forward nd backward nd u make sure everyone noes..
8. u fear u ll die old nd alone wid 27 cats. in fact u hv already picked out names fr 7..
9. u feel like doin de disco routine to 'HALLELUJAH'
10. gravity seems to hv given up on u...
11. u believe its de moral duty of ur estranged love interest to noe exactly how u feel abt dem

CHARADE

SO I AM NEW TO DE PLASTIC WORLD.. ITS A WORLD WHERE ALL'S PICTURE PERFECT, TRY RUFFLIN SUM FEATHERS, ND ALL HELL WILL BREAK LOOSE.. ITS A WRLD WHERE IF U BELIEVE EVERY WRD SAID TO U, DEN U LL BE DE HAPPIEST.. (NOT TO FORGET DUMBEST) PERSON ALIVE... ITS ONLY WEN U STRT CUTTIN THRU DE LAYERS, U REALISE DAT WT LIES BENEATH IS JUST A BAMBOOZLING CHARADE.. NOW BEING DE NICE (& AS OF NOW LOOKIN FR EXCUSES TO NT STUDY) PERSON DT I AM, I THOUGHT U'D HELP U FRESHERS, TO FACE DE PLASICS, BY PREPARING A LIST OF WAT DEY SAY ND WT DE UNDERLYIN MEANING IS...

1. "AH MON DIEU!! WHERE DID U GET THOSE SHOES?? DEY ARE JUST ABT DE MOST ADORABLE THINGS I HV SEEN..."
TRANSLATION: "HONESTLY WHERE DID U GET THOSE FROM?? THERE S ABSOLUETLY NO EXCUSE FOR SHOES DT BAD..." ALSO HERE A POINTER, USE OF ANY FOREIGN LANGUAGE SHUD GIVE U A HEADSUP, FOR ALL U NOE, U JUST GOT ABUSED IN HEBREW...

2."ITS BEEN AGES... SO I THOUGH I'D GIVE U A BUZZ..."
TRANSLATION: "I HAPPENED TO STUMBLE UPON UR NAME WHILE GOING THRU MY PHONEBOOK ND I REMEMBERED DT U BORROWED MY EARINGS... YEAH I WANT DEM BAK..."

3. "HAVE U LOST WEIGHT??? GOD HOW DO U DO IT.. I NEED TO LOSE SUM TOO..."
TRANSLATION:"I DNT CARE ABTU, LET ALONE UR WEIGHT ISSUES, YOU CUD GET A GASTRIC BYPASS FOR ALL I CARE.. BUT LOOK AT ME, AINT I IN PERFECT SHAPE...???"

4. "DON'T TELL ANYONE... BT DIS IS WAT I HEARD..."
TRANSLATION: " U THINK I CARE... SUMONE TOLD ME DE EXACT SAME THING ABT 2 MINUTES BACK.."

5."WOW!! U LOOK STUNNING!! VERY FEW PEOPLE CAN CARRY OFF A SUMTHING LIKE DT..."
TRANSLATION: " U MORON.. THRS A REASON VERY FEW PPL CAN CARRY DT OFF.. AND THOSE PPL ARE ALSO KNOWN AS CLOWNS... U JST COMMITTED FASHION SUICIDE.. I WUDN WANNA BE CAUGHT DEAD IN PUBLIC WID U..."

6."I WAS GOIN TO INVITE U, BT DEB U HARDLY NOE DE ODERS I HD INVITED, SO WAS JUST AVOIDING A BORIN NITE FR U..."
TRANSLATION: "WELL DE 'ODERS' DONT SEEM TO WNNA NOE U.. AND DE 'ODERS' REPRESENT THE HUMAN RACE..."

7. "ITS NOT U... ITS HIM.. U R WAY TOO GUD FR HIM.."
TRANSLATION: " U BIMBO!! HE HAD U ON FR A ROYAL RIDE ALL ALONF!! ITS OVER, SO GET ON WID IT.. I AM SICK OF LISTENIN TO UR RELATIONSHIP ISSUES.. ONE MORE TIME N I'LL BARFF...."

8. "SURE.. Y DNT U JOIN ME FR LUCNH..."
TRANSLATION: "WELL U CAN EAT WATEVA U WANT, AS LONG AS U DON HUMILIATE ME ND AS LONG AS ITS NT IN PUBLIC..."

9. "YA YA.. I AM COMPLETELY COMFORTABLE.."
TRANSLATION: " U JACKASS EASY FR U TO SAY, U GRABBED DA BEST SEAT... HOW ABT BU TRY SQUEEZIN IN WID FOUR ODER PPL IN DA BACK.. GOD.. IS IT HST ME.. OR R U SERIOUSLY DT DUMB.."

10."YEA, I AM HAVING A BAD HAIR DAY..."
TRANSLATION: "U ARE ONE TO SAY, U PRBBLY HV BAD HAIR DAYS 365 DAYS A YEAR... BITCH.."

THE MUAHHH THEOREM

TWO BODIES, WHEN COME IN CERTAIN VISIBLE RANGE, [ range -> )10cm 15cm( ], TEND TO BRUSH THEIR CHEEKS AGAINST EACH OTHER, SO AS TO PRODUCE THE DISTINCIVE SOUND 'MUAHHH'...... WHILE DIS TRAIT IS PREDOMINANT IN MOST OF THE FEMALE BODIES, THE MALES (divided ino metrosexual and homosexual) POSSESSING DIS TRAIT, TEND TO CROSSOVER FROM DE MERTOSEXUAL TO DE HOMOSEXUAL SIDE...

2 SIDES OF A COIN

EVER BEEN IN A RELATIONSHIP WID A GUY WHO HATES UR FRIEND AND LIKEWISE..?? WELL, NO THIS IS NT A RIP OFF OF SOME LAME CHICK FLICK, ITS PROBABLY HAPPENED TO U BEFORE OR AS A MATTER OF FACT HAPPENIN TO U RITE NOW...
NWZ HOW EXACTLY IS ONE SUPPOSED TO DEAL WID SUCH AN ISSUE?? ON ONE HAND U HV UR FRIEND WHO SUDDENLY SEEMS SO HARSH ND CRUEL, FOR NT CONSIDERING YOUR FEELINGS FR MR. X (IF U MUST..) ND ON DE ODER, DE SAME MR. X (ERR... PARDON ME... JST RAN OUT OF CREATIVE NAMES...) SUDDENLY SEEMS TO BE GOD SENT, ND APPARENTLY THT FRIEND F URS HAD ALWAYS BEEN A PRICK, JUST TOOK U SO LONG TO REALISE IT... SURE U HV DT LITTLE VOICE IN UR HEAD (CONSCIENCE IS IT??) REMINDING U OF DE SLEEPLESS NITES UR FRIEND SPENT TLKIN TO U, JUST CZ U CUDN SLEEP, OF DE ARBIT LONG TALKS U HAD ABOUT LIFE ND WAT U MAKE OF IT... BUT U VERY CONVENIENTLY DISMISS IT, BECAUSE MR. X ND U R SO MEANT TO BE... ND MR. X WAS ALL U EVER WANTED...
FUNNY HOW IT TAKES JUST DE BLINK OF AN EYE FR MR.X TO BECUM 'THAT GUY I ONCE DATED' ND ITS DEN DT U REALISE THAT UR FRIEND WAS RITE ALL ALONG....
**DISCLAIMER: resemblance to any person dead or livin is just a coincidence... nd no i ain sufferin from any kinda psychological disorders!!!!!!

so i am nt much into the whole blogging thing and recently took up an interest in it... comments are always welcome, and i d like u to noe dt i am very open to criticism... jst as long as it doesnt concern me..!! of course since i aint much of a writer... (thts whr de not so extravagant vocabulary comes in, thnks to me doin math hons frm VENKY, 4 those of u thinkin 'show off'..... well... BITE ME!!), i'd suggest tht do nt 'CRITICALLY ANALYSE' ( sophisticated way for sayin TRASH...) my posts!!

leaving everything behind....

ARCHIE COMICS, DIFFERENT STROKES,
BEWITCHED ND STICKERSRUNNING AROUND,
JUMPING ABOUT
AND PLAYIN ALL DE TIME

WHAT ALL DO I WRITE ABOUT?
SO MANY THINGS TO BRING UP
SO MUCH TO SHARE
SO MUCH TO WRITE ABOUT...

FEW KNOW DE REAL ME...
FEWER UNDERSTAND DE REAL ME
I WAS DE KID ALL ALONG
AND I SHALL REMAIN DE SAME FOREVER ND EVER..

18 LONG YEARS..ALMOST 2 EVENTFUL DECADES
AND HERE I AM AT DE THRESHOLD OF ADULTHOOD
AND I STILL REMAIN DE SAME...

-anushree dasgupta... (friend..)
ps.. dis piece ws written by her... specially fr me... as a farewell gift...