CHARADE

SO I AM NEW TO DE PLASTIC WORLD.. ITS A WORLD WHERE ALL'S PICTURE PERFECT, TRY RUFFLIN SUM FEATHERS, ND ALL HELL WILL BREAK LOOSE.. ITS A WRLD WHERE IF U BELIEVE EVERY WRD SAID TO U, DEN U LL BE DE HAPPIEST.. (NOT TO FORGET DUMBEST) PERSON ALIVE... ITS ONLY WEN U STRT CUTTIN THRU DE LAYERS, U REALISE DAT WT LIES BENEATH IS JUST A BAMBOOZLING CHARADE.. NOW BEING DE NICE (& AS OF NOW LOOKIN FR EXCUSES TO NT STUDY) PERSON DT I AM, I THOUGHT U'D HELP U FRESHERS, TO FACE DE PLASICS, BY PREPARING A LIST OF WAT DEY SAY ND WT DE UNDERLYIN MEANING IS...

1. "AH MON DIEU!! WHERE DID U GET THOSE SHOES?? DEY ARE JUST ABT DE MOST ADORABLE THINGS I HV SEEN..."
TRANSLATION: "HONESTLY WHERE DID U GET THOSE FROM?? THERE S ABSOLUETLY NO EXCUSE FOR SHOES DT BAD..." ALSO HERE A POINTER, USE OF ANY FOREIGN LANGUAGE SHUD GIVE U A HEADSUP, FOR ALL U NOE, U JUST GOT ABUSED IN HEBREW...

2."ITS BEEN AGES... SO I THOUGH I'D GIVE U A BUZZ..."
TRANSLATION: "I HAPPENED TO STUMBLE UPON UR NAME WHILE GOING THRU MY PHONEBOOK ND I REMEMBERED DT U BORROWED MY EARINGS... YEAH I WANT DEM BAK..."

3. "HAVE U LOST WEIGHT??? GOD HOW DO U DO IT.. I NEED TO LOSE SUM TOO..."
TRANSLATION:"I DNT CARE ABTU, LET ALONE UR WEIGHT ISSUES, YOU CUD GET A GASTRIC BYPASS FOR ALL I CARE.. BUT LOOK AT ME, AINT I IN PERFECT SHAPE...???"

4. "DON'T TELL ANYONE... BT DIS IS WAT I HEARD..."
TRANSLATION: " U THINK I CARE... SUMONE TOLD ME DE EXACT SAME THING ABT 2 MINUTES BACK.."

5."WOW!! U LOOK STUNNING!! VERY FEW PEOPLE CAN CARRY OFF A SUMTHING LIKE DT..."
TRANSLATION: " U MORON.. THRS A REASON VERY FEW PPL CAN CARRY DT OFF.. AND THOSE PPL ARE ALSO KNOWN AS CLOWNS... U JST COMMITTED FASHION SUICIDE.. I WUDN WANNA BE CAUGHT DEAD IN PUBLIC WID U..."

6."I WAS GOIN TO INVITE U, BT DEB U HARDLY NOE DE ODERS I HD INVITED, SO WAS JUST AVOIDING A BORIN NITE FR U..."
TRANSLATION: "WELL DE 'ODERS' DONT SEEM TO WNNA NOE U.. AND DE 'ODERS' REPRESENT THE HUMAN RACE..."

7. "ITS NOT U... ITS HIM.. U R WAY TOO GUD FR HIM.."
TRANSLATION: " U BIMBO!! HE HAD U ON FR A ROYAL RIDE ALL ALONF!! ITS OVER, SO GET ON WID IT.. I AM SICK OF LISTENIN TO UR RELATIONSHIP ISSUES.. ONE MORE TIME N I'LL BARFF...."

8. "SURE.. Y DNT U JOIN ME FR LUCNH..."
TRANSLATION: "WELL U CAN EAT WATEVA U WANT, AS LONG AS U DON HUMILIATE ME ND AS LONG AS ITS NT IN PUBLIC..."

9. "YA YA.. I AM COMPLETELY COMFORTABLE.."
TRANSLATION: " U JACKASS EASY FR U TO SAY, U GRABBED DA BEST SEAT... HOW ABT BU TRY SQUEEZIN IN WID FOUR ODER PPL IN DA BACK.. GOD.. IS IT HST ME.. OR R U SERIOUSLY DT DUMB.."

10."YEA, I AM HAVING A BAD HAIR DAY..."
TRANSLATION: "U ARE ONE TO SAY, U PRBBLY HV BAD HAIR DAYS 365 DAYS A YEAR... BITCH.."

THE MUAHHH THEOREM

TWO BODIES, WHEN COME IN CERTAIN VISIBLE RANGE, [ range -> )10cm 15cm( ], TEND TO BRUSH THEIR CHEEKS AGAINST EACH OTHER, SO AS TO PRODUCE THE DISTINCIVE SOUND 'MUAHHH'...... WHILE DIS TRAIT IS PREDOMINANT IN MOST OF THE FEMALE BODIES, THE MALES (divided ino metrosexual and homosexual) POSSESSING DIS TRAIT, TEND TO CROSSOVER FROM DE MERTOSEXUAL TO DE HOMOSEXUAL SIDE...